DRINKING: WILL STEP BACK WITHOUT REFLECTING YOURSELF

Intro of the book about drinking desire

• Long Day’s Journey into Night,
• one shot for an endless, so unstoppable night
• one more shot for losing the only drinking partner that isn’t existing now.
• It is miserable that you can’t think of your glorious moment without one shot of drinking.

One Sentence Summary

You will meet irreducible present if you are addicted to the wrong past moment for so long.

For Who?

• Those who avoid the toughest moment without recognizing themselves.
• People who keep regretting after waking up from a drunken state
• People who promise to change themselves but are sadly only in a drunken state
• People who feel tough get the courage to choose to become better.

Why did I read about drinking desire?

• There is a book titled [Emotion Class] by Shinju Kang, a very famous philosopher in Korea
• That is about a book that allocated each chapter of the book based on 48 types of emotions by Spinoza’s theory.
• In each chapter, one book is recommended as a proper book to explain a specific emotion in each chapter.
• Eugene O’neal’s book is recommended for a chapter [drinking desire]
• Personally, I read this book when my all work and business collapsed down.
• That accident occurred when I broke apart with my ex-girlfriend that promised to get married.
• At that time, I couldn’t have spare time to take care of myself. Just thought I had to survive economically.
• Had to prepare for future life under desperate circumstances, but overwrapped past bad memory. Naturally started to drink alone.
• Initially, half bottles of Soju (a light amount for most Korean guys) was my limitation.
• But it didn’t take a long time until I drank usually 2 bottles of soju.
• So, I wondered why I could have a desire for drinking as a psychological aspect.
• Even reading the introduction chapter in the book, I could easily see an unbreakable chain ring with drinking behavior.
• I knew what it was well for sure.

When did you read it?

• At the time I wanted to see myself clearly without hallucination.
• I was alone usually and focused on a survival plan.
• So, hard to ask a favor to get comments from friends group because of self-confidence.
• Wanted to tell my stories after I felt safe through my own effort.
• Naturally, I was to become isolated. Not so tough to be alone but hard to see where I am.
• That was a series of a scary moments for me. To reduce those moments I started to drink.
• But on the other side, I tried hard to keep sustaining my mental state as neutral.
• Especially, always careful for becoming positive without any proof.
• I should be chic for my successful survival but got used to drinking alone.
• Based on repeated moments between balancing and drinking, I realized I need to find what the trigger is.

How do you feel after reading?

• Except for the chronic cases of drinking, a drinking desire is a behavior to get courage from the best moment in the past.
• Alcohol can be used as a trigger to recall that brave attitude easily.
• Practically, I tried to organize the saying that I mumbled in a drunken state one time.
• In my case, there are many cases to confess about an apology to treat an ex-girlfriend nicely or express guilty to do badly to her.
• On the other hand, I expressed late appreciation to her for the amount of love we shared
• I thought it was because our relationship was over already so knew that can’t be conveyed ever.
• So, I spoke out to reduce my dilemma by leaning on the alcohol effect.
• In another case, I saw many exaggerated moments when I drink with my besties.
• For example, I usually told about strong expressions like “I will break this kind of obstacle in front of me thoroughly”.
• At that time, I mostly spent my days under pressure and fear.
• In retrospect, I was weak like the level of my brave expression.
• Besides, I expressed my dream or ambition too strongly.
• But, I couldn’t find any reason to make me think drink alcohol.
• I thought that was because I have already gotten accustomed to drinking alone.

Where is the inspirational part to you?

• The fact that every character in the book got addicted to something.
• His wife is on morphine, Father and two sons are on alcohol.
• The tragic thing is they don’t try hard to move away from bad addiction by themselves.
• There is contained deep resignation in the addiction.
• All members show their nicest aspects in their best life moments when they got drunk something.
• I realized life that stayed in the past has clear limitations despite that moments are nice.

What did you see?

• I thought my habit to drink alone wasn’t bad because it doesn’t give a negative effect on another one.
• But, overdrinking needs control because it gives a bad effect on me.
• I think drinking can’t be shown as just a negative thing.
• Staying in past by drinking easily looks bad, but it can be translated to reflecting on my past behavior myself.
• Most people have an accident not to solve that clearly even though they did a mistake. Or, someone could miss the chance to apologize.
• Despite those people who missed a chance to apologize, I think this kind of confession has meaning even in leaning on alcohol effect.
• I think we need to have time to pay for our past mistakes if we did something badly for another one.
• Reminding guilty based on the self-reflecting past moments can be connected to the next better step.
• At that point, recalling back of past memory is also needed depending on the situation.
• I hope my future drinking will be a behavior for not becoming a coward.
• Not to avoid a painful present, my one shot will be a pause button for better accomplishment related to my life goal. that is my wish.

Re-definition of Drinking Desire after reading a book

• The original definition of drinking desire in the book: Struggling that return to the nicest past moment by drinking.
• 20th Aug 2020. (After reading this chapter, re-definition): Weak will that is to extravasate out all emotional-related things.