Distorted ambition burns all

Intro of the book about distorted ambition

• Distorted, abnormal ambition is born from the unusual dangerous moment
• that moment makes someone crazy to make up for its deficiency.
• As deficiency can be refilled, desire will be grown more and more.
• Sadly, from that moment on, maybe start to need to find victims for better success.

One Sentence Summary

You will fail everywhere if you can’t have your own things.

For Who?

• Those who couldn’t find their position in society whether that is a job or someone’s own work.
• Feels self-confidence and pride but practically feels empty. Like the people who feel by themselves not to accomplish anything.
• Those who had continuous discomfort with dreaming.
• Having a confidence to develop something as a new skill but worry about succeeding.

Why, when did I read about distorted ambition?

• There is a book titled [Emotion Class] by Shinju Kang, a very famous philosopher in Korea
• That is about a book that allocated each chapter of the book based on 48 types of emotions by Spinoza’s theory.
• In each chapter, one book is recommended as a proper book to explain a specific emotion in each chapter.
• Mo Yan’s book is recommended for a chapter [Ambition]
• When I read this book, I had a distance from social success.
• But I am working like multiplayer as a self-employed for the personal goal I’ve eager for.
• Felt very tough but I just thought there wasn’t any idea except for doing all the things together.
• I did that based on courage but that wasn’t enough to do only for that emotion.
• Spent several days without doing anything because of heavy fear.
• Or, sometimes felt scared because of the thinking I can’t give up.
• As my will for accomplishing was strong, as my fear got bigger, the word [ambition] became attractive to me.
• I read that book despite I didn’t read Maupassant’s book at all before.

Where is the feeling about distored ambition to you?

• Couldn’t take my eyes off from hero’s decision.
• Especially a self-deception for hypnotizing himself that every accomplishment was gotten from his own effort.
• Even though, that was just using other people near of him as a tool.
• The scene of deceiving himself was recalled on and on as he got fame continuously.
• The repeated moment occurred when he got love from the next woman and discard it after finished to get benefits.
• He headed for bigger success instead of giving fake love, but that success was endless even though he stepped in many people.
• He didn’t have an idea to stop in the middle of heading his success despite he got so many accomplishments.
• That looks like the end of distorted ambition.
• In the last part of the book, already there wasn’t any love or sincerity-like values in him.
• I thought he also knew about the importance of relationships and people near him.
• But he thought his own success was much more important than genuine love.
• He knew the tragedy called poverty, so he didn’t hesitate to use people as his tool.
• I didn’t live like him. I won’t do that.
• However, I don’t know why but I thought he was a mirror of my self-esteem.
• Totally different situation and character but I couldn’t remove the feeling I was alike him.

What did you see in distored ambition-related book?

• There is a way only that person can walk even though there is looked like complete fog.
• Fortune could occur once or twice, but that is the end. Another one can’t walk that way instead of you.
• Sadly, like a hero in this book, we can use someone as a tool.
• However, at least, he knew that well he used someone for his own intention and goal.
• At that point, he can have self-pride at all. Only a pretending attitude for faking that is a success by his own effort.
• That fake will be returned to him someday definitely.
• Sometimes he tried to eat a proper amount to edit his bad habit by himself.
• However, we need a minimum level of social environment for social success.
• Strong will, and a great heart can be destroyed in a thoroughly poor environment.
• So, we should try to make a safe place to keep challenging our goal in advance of the situation just told fake is bad.
• A desire for success is a very strong emotion.
• Especially, as you feel a deficiency by recognizing your poor aspects strongly, You may hard to move away from there.
• We need to see what happened to other people who showed too much behavior under a specific circumstance.
• We can communicate with each other when we try hard to get in an effort to understand other people’s thinking as their position.
• Sometimes it doesn’t good for judging easily without understanding background history.
• With this sort of effort, we can be balanced people by watching ourselves objectively.
• But sometimes, I feel suspect my approach and think is right.
• Worry of the case when I get age so much before I grabbed my goal.
• Honestly, I can’t say this kind of preach-like message if I can’t make my clear track record.
• So, actually, I think I also need more time to confirm this matter deeply as time goes on later.

Re-definition of distorted ambition after reading a book

• The original definition of drinking desire in the book: Humanistic, so humanistic weakness
• 18th Apr 2020. (After reading this chapter, re-definition): It was just my mirror.